stressfreemom

It isn’t always easy to confront a problem in a relationship. Often, it’s more convenient to put off dealing with it, hoping that somehow it will resolve itself and everything will be just fine. More often than not, if you don’t deal with the problem right away, if you let it simmer, it will grow into an insurmountable obstacle between you and your partner.

Here are three tips for communicating and resolving those problems before they become too big.

1) Be brave enough to bring up the problem in the first place. This isn’t always easy, but it’s the mature thing to do. If you let it eat away at you, it will grow in importance with every passing day. You’ll start to resent your partner and the two of you will grow apart. Conquer your fear and address the issue now. Besides, you never know, your partner may have been waiting for an opportunity to discuss it and be glad you opened the door.

2) Communicate your concerns on neutral ground. Don’t bring up a problem when you’re out with friends or at your in-laws. If possible, take a walk or go to a park or out to dinner alone, just the two of you. Away from the kids and the many distractions at home, you will be more relaxed and better able to address your needs.

3) Use “I” messages, instead of “You” messages. Tell your spouse or partner how you feel about a particular issue, rather than what he is doing wrong. For example, “I feel hurt when you ignore my conversation and focus on the T.V.” is better than saying, “You should be a better listener.” The first way communicates how you are feeling, whereas the second accuses your partner of being deficient.

Try these techniques the next time you need to discuss a problem and see if things don’t go more smoothly.